Another sleepless night!

Well it is 2:34 am and I have not been able to sleep. Ended up having a anxiety attack that got me right out of my sleep mode and then each time I lay down my mind goes to all the things that it shouldn’t go to. Why did he have to get in contact with me and demand that we have lunch to hash things out and be able to build on things to move forward. Why did he demand that I treat him with respect and be civil to him? After all he has done to me all I have lost how can he think I want anything to do with him! He told me that he can fix the past. Yeah, just by creating more painful things to destroy me. I told him that I pray for his death every day, I can’t stand him and that I hate his woman beating, raping piece of shit ass. He told me that I have no reason to be hostile and that he is waving the white flag. I have no white flag to wave to him and I never will.

If he truly wanted to be a part of my healing process then he should have never created anything that would require a healing process to start with. He would have to honestly acknowledge that what he has done to me is wrong, make true of his empty promises and truly apologize. I know that none of those things will ever happen. He doesn’t think that what he has done to me is wrong. I just wish he would leave me alone and no longer work at the 7-11 behind my house. Just knowing that he is that close to me 4 times during the week has caused me to remain in fear and why I am having difficulties healing.